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Jack Bauer/Trivia
]] * Jack Bauer Main Page Little known trivia about Jack Bauer *If everyone in 24 did what Jack Bauer said, it would be called 12 *When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. *One proposed budget for the US Military covered Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition. *Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment. *Many women's husbands don't wish they were Jack Bauer. They wish their wives were Jack Bauer. Coincidentally, none of these men are gay. *Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was. *If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. The corollary to this is: If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina. *Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jack Bauer. *The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer. *Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism. A billion Chinese vs Jack Bauer? Sounds like a fair fight. *Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. *Kim Bauer lost her virginity-- Jack Bauer got it back. *If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. *Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun. *Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. *Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone. *Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. *In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border. *Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever. *If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus. *Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. *Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. *When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun. *Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. *Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. *Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer". *Jack Bauer eliminated Bird Flu by playing Duck Hunt. *When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish her vegetables. *When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer. *Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep. *Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. *Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people. *In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. *Jack Bauer makes onions cry. *Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. *When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion. *Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones. *Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once. *When Jack Bauer turns on a video game, the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again. *Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret. *Jack Bauer’s dog put a sign on his fence that read “Beware of Jack.” *A terrorist once killed himself so Jack Bauer did not torture him. Jack just laughed, brought him back to life, and tortured him. *When Jack Bauer was a baby, he took candy from adults. *Water can only go three days without Jack Bauer. *Jack Bauer can start a fire using only water. *Deaf people listen to Jack Bauer. *To stop the Japanese in WWII Truman was going to drop Jack Bauer out of a Bomber. Instead he went with a nuke because it was more humane. *Arnold Schwarzenegger thought he could take Jack Bauer in a fight. He ended up pregnant. *Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice. *Jack Bauer's blood type is testosterone. *Instead of tickling Elmo, Jack Bauer shot him. *Jack Bauer got in a car accident and protected his air bag. *David Palmer is Jack Bauer's Black Friend. *Jack Bauer has an account on redvsblue.com, but only to fight the Terrorist menace. *Jack Bauer can have 11 items at the 10 item lane. *Jack Bauer is such a great shot that he doesn't need bullets for his 9mm. *Jack Bauer can watch Saturday Night Live, live on a Tuesday morning. *Jack Bauer never misses. If he shoots his gun at you and doesn't hit you, he's shooting at the terrorist 12 miles away. *Jack Bauer once disarmed a suitcase nuke with a Phillips head screwdriver. *If you spell Jack Bauer wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Jack Bauer?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." *Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.